My heart often hurts and I don't always understand why.  I've prayed with unanswered prayers, I cry out and I try and trust.  I have so much still to learn from our journey these last two years.  I'm not sure, this side of Heaven, I will ever understand each intricate detail.  And you know, I am ok with knowing that.   I press on.  I pray i see the course He continues to lay out before me.  I never want to lose focus and I always want to live intentional.  Intentionally for Him.  

God has His best before me.  Not my plan that is only seeing a tiny portion of what I think is best.  He is beyond faithful and He never lets me down.  Amidst the pain, beyond the hurt, I know He brings us through the fire to refine and no matter the amount of time or the amount of sadness that fire may bring, in the end we come out pure.  He sets our feet back in place.  He prepares our next step.  

It has been such a long time since I have followed through with my blogging. I have written out several and deleted, I have a few scripted out in my phone and here I go again. It's as if I have once again listened to those voices around me, "lay this down and move on," but I feel it heavy on my heart to write and it often helps my thoughts and heart as I begin to type words out. I know that our journey is not over, our time is never wasted. God has a plan for His children, even though most of our time is spent carrying loads that are far to heavy for us to bare. Thank you, Father, that You are the Load Lifter and that you stand ready to lift our load when we relinquish it to You and release that grip we so tightly have on our burdens.

Overflowing with emotions and I'm so beyond thankful for my Jesus, who absolutely is my Comfort.  Yet my heart also hurts and as we are facing new, great things. I find myself overwhelmed with what is to come, even anxious as we take these next steps.  Like David, I ask the same question, "who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far? (2 Samuel 7:18)  I know that God has taken us "so far" for His purpose and I know His plans are for a "hope and a future" for our little family.  I am so thankful.  We are beyond blessed.

In studying the life of David, I once again find myself in awe!  In David's life, in God's faithfulness to David and even in just how beginning to study him all happened... after a few consecutive days of reading about him in my quiet time after we traveled to Texas, I really began to have a desire to study his life a little deeper ..and that went to literally being handed a Bible Study book on the life of David after we got to my Sissy's and I was told, "this is what were fixing to study..."  I just knew it was only God's perfect timing!!  Now what we have been studying in scripture and about his life on a weekly basis, I KNOW that this is exactly what God wants me to be studying! 😉  Where David was, to where God wanted to take him.  So far.  The crossroads David faces in his life, time and time again.  I know so many of you, my sweet friends, are at a crossroads...  Crossroads in several very different situations.  I pray and I seek His answers.  I cry out for many of you, just as I cry out for our family.  We too are at a crossroad.  

What step will we take?  Which direction will we go?  We can easily turn to our own feelings and emotions and take baby steps away from what God's great plan is for us. We can stand still, holding onto that devastation.  We can decide we are not moving or even taking a step, possibly refusing to be obedient.  Or we can choose to continue to walk in Him.   Praying.  Crying out.  Asking God to continue growing us in the direction He would have us go. 

I love that David so wanted the Arc of the Covenant right there, in the middle of everything.  He wanted God's presence exactly where he was.  He wanted others to be surrounded by God's presence just as much as he wanted it for himself.   He knew that he must take steps in his life, drawing him closer to his Savior.  Even if it included physically moving that Arc.  How can we want anything less for ourselves.  Why would you not want HIS perfect presence surrounding you ALWAYS?   It's a DAILY getting up and choosing to walk in His ways.  We will fall.  David fell.  Yet David's heart truly sought God.  I want my heart ever seeking Him.  We find Him when we "search for Him with ALL of our heart."  (Jeremiah 29:13)  

It's time we move away from devastation, cry out for wisdom from our Sovereign Lord and walk through the crossroads in the Spirit of our Savior!!!  Being intentional about our obedience to Him.

God promises us in Jeremiah that He has great plans for us.  Plans for hope, plans for our future. He is so beyond faithful and I will be forever grateful that He chose me and I can rest in His faithfulness and the plans He has for my family!!  However, some of my days are just a little more challenging.  Sometimes my heart just hurts.  My humanness leaves me weak and uncertain.  I want to question why..  and God continues to remind me to be still.  I simply have to trust in knowing that in all of my "not-understanding" I wait for Him.  Trusting that He will continue to reveal Himself to me.  To my Jason.  To heal his hurt too. Daily, as long as we seek Him daily!

I know we often struggle.  No matter what life holds for us, the heartache and pain that may come, He simply wants us completely broken for Him.  Crying out before Him, ready to be poured out.  With the uncertainty and pain we have to be mindful of what Jesus tells us in scripture, "in this world we will have trouble!"  BUT friend, guess what else He promises...  TAKE HEART, He has overcome the world.  We too can overcome, simply because He goes before us and is our Overcomer.  

Pray for our family as we continue to put pieces together.  What we see right now is just a fraction of the plan, but He sees it all.  For that I rejoice.  He is so gracious and so faithful.  Thank you for all the sweet messages some of you send as we continue to seek His plan.  ❤️

...just an update

So much I could share and as weeks have passed I have contemplated writing, but thought it might help my thoughts as well as share with any of you what God has been doing in us after leaving Canada.  If you know me well, you know I love to worship My Great God as a God of detail.  He's SO into the details of our lives and I delight in seeing Him work, even when sometimes we really can't see!!!  I love that He knows my heart and He meets me there with His sweet faithfulness.  

Being in Texas has many benefits and the most significant is time with my sister and her family.  Sometimes my Sissy and I think Canada was just a detour to get me to her!  I love being able to see her, share with her and just being part of her families life.  Yesterday we were so privileged to go watch my niece's track meet.  We saw her participate in several events and represent her team well, even those hurdles she had to jump!   As I watched I could not help but to think through the steps those athletes were taking and to know so many years ago I was running in similar shoes.  Running the race.  Clearing hurdles. Giving that track everything I had in me.  This, right now, is our life.  

As i think about all that I have been through and where God has our family right now, it's just like that race that we run along life's track.  One of my heart's set of verses is from the first part of chapter 12 in Hebrews, laying aside the things that weigh us down and allow us to be tempted.  It's "running the race with perseverance" that is set out before us.  Not looking back but staying focused on my Jesus and what is to come.  There are often obstacles, just like those hurdles I had to cross on that track but I knew when I got to it, I had to cross it.  There was no other way but taking it in stride.  Sometimes I'd catch the tip and knock it sideways.  There were times the hurdle and I both fell. You get up. You continue to run.  You give it everything you have.  I did because I knew there was no other way to cross the finish line.  There were difficult days, but it made me stronger.  There have certainly been difficult days.

I would have never thought we would move our family and leave all that we knew behind for the short time we were away.  I know without question that God called us to step out.  We also knew without question that God was closing the door, just as He had opened it for us.  One of the most obvious was having our funding that we were promised and encouraged to receive, abruptly cut by two-thirds of what it was supposed to be.  We were on a clergy visa and neither Jason not myself could legally hold a job in Canada.   Because of these things and the cost of living being so much greater than America, we could not keep our family there.  There were certainly difficult days and there have been many difficult days being back, but we cling to the promises that God is working ALL things out for our good, according to His purposes, for those that love Him.  

We are beyond thankful for the experience and all the ways God grew us while we were there.  I'm so beyond thankful for relationships and for God placing such a precious couple in our lives just as we were leaving.  I love how God works even in the 11th hour and once again, that sweet bond we made the last week will last a lifetime.  We learned so much and saw God in ways we would have never experienced Him.  He constantly reminded us that He was right there with us.  

Continue to pray for us as we come to mind.  There is much need for healing and understanding.  

We are happy to be living in Texas and we are praying through wisdom and clarity as we take each step.  Jason was offered and accepted a new job and has been working one week!!  Huge praise for that and our sweet Hayden is back in school.  He had only been just a few days when he whispered in my ear, "Mommie, I think I like it here."  Again, God is in the details and we know that He has plans for us!!  With that, I resolve to continually trade my dreams for His. 

It is with sadness and yet a subtle peace that we share with you that our journey in Alberta has come to an end.  We are so thankful that God allowed us to experience all that we did and we know that His plans for us are always one step at a time and in faith.  We do not always see or understand what He is doing but we know God called us to Canada, just as we know God was closing the door to our mission there.  If we were there for just one, we are confident that God will grow and nurture seeds that were planted and now we simply trust Him to do the work only He can do.  

We praise Him for being so beyond faithful.  He is with us and He goes before us, wherever it is that we may go.  Not once were we alone.  He showed us so much of Himself and for that we are forever grateful.  Things we would have never seen or known.  We grew closer to Him in our experience and we made precious friendships that we will forever treasure and hold close to our hearts. We are truly blessed and forever changed. 

Please pray as we continue seeking Gods plan for our family.  We pray for wisdom and clarity as we make decisions. 

...pressing on!

Time after time these last several weeks God continues to speak "endurance"  into my time with Him, in sweet words from friends and even in conversations Jason and I have had.  So what about endurance?  Activities that go on for an extended period of time, to go on and on, to continue.  Even as I read yesterday..  to "Keep on keeping on"!  To run the race He has called us to, for an extended period of time, giving Him all we've got!

Even in the battle.  Front lines or the trenches.  Right smack in the middle of the battlefield!  That's where we are.  Everywhere around us there's the "un-religious," the "un-spiritual" and those in desperate need of a Saviour!  Those flocking to a local bar to see the next Medium and anxiously learn what's she heard from spirits.  Yep, that's true.  Just a couple minutes away, right here in Cochrane.  No wonder the enemy prowls around seeking whom He may devour.  The heaviness is real.  The burden weighs down.  The heaviness and burden reflect darkness, yet He brings light.  He wants His light to shine into that darkness and reveal a real hope that only a relationship with Him can provide!  We are here to share just that.

Our weapons are not massive.  I am outside of my comfort zone.  I feel easily overwhelmed.  Yet, my hope remains in my Overcomer and The One who brings us comfort.  He's the one that called us out and He is our Victorious Warrior!  He desires us to live Jesus on the front lines!   Pressing on to that mark He's called us to.  Fixing our eyes on Jesus and continuously laying aside all the things we so easily entangle ourselves with. (Hebrews 12:1-3) Running with endurance, even when we're crying out to Him for our every bit of strength.  He's gone before us, He won the battle when He defeated the grave!!